You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
