i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize