p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
