im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
