I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
