Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
