i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
