Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize