he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
