my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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