If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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