Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
