Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
