i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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