garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
