Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
