I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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