i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
