Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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