no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
