yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
