We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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