Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
