Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize