Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
