If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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