Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
