I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize