I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
