Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
