Got a toothbrush?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
