I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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