He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
