A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
