don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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