i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
