You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
