Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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