My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
