I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize