I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
