I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
