wrigley field is MILF paradise
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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