You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
