My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
