She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
