ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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