I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So much rum. So many feels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
