My first STD was from a foam party
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
