Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
