woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
