I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
