Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
