Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your penis caused this!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
