We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
