a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
