she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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