Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i am craving dick and cupcakes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
