No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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