Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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