You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
