I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
