we're making bets on your personal life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
