Even the bartender felt bad for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
