Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
