I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
