We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my liver is dry heaving
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
