nut hugger
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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