I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
