I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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